Two Jokes

From January's edition of Humanising Language Teaching.

The bus driver and Big John

One day a bus driver was in his bus when the biggest man he had ever seen got on. The giant looked at the driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay." Then he took his seat on the bus. The bus driver was only a little man and he didn't want to argue.

This happened for several days. After a week, the bus driver was beginning to get a little angry. Everybody else paid, so why not the big man? So the driver decided to go to the gym and start a course of body-building. He didn't want to be frightened of Big John any more.

A number of weeks later the driver had strong muscles and was feeling very fit. At the usual stop, Big John got on. "Big John doesn't pay," he said. But this time the driver was prepared for him. He got up and said, "Oh, yeah? And why doesn't Big John pay?"

"Because Big John has got a bus pass," the man replied.

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The doctor's advice

A man was feeling unwell and he went to see the doctor. He went with his wife because he was a little worried. Afterwards, the doctor spoke in private to the man's wife.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news," he said. "Unless you follow my instructions carefully, your husband will die. Every morning you must give him a good breakfast and you must cook him a healthy meal every night. What is more, you mustn't ask him to do any housework and you must keep the house very clean. I realise it is a lot of work for you, but it really is the only way to keep him alive."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had said to her.
"He said you're going to die," she replied.